DON’T BE LIKE THE REST OF THEM, DARLING. — COCO CHANEL
And what are the rest of them doing? They’re shopping aimlessly, based on what looked good on the fit model, the mannequin, the website. But the failing in this theory is that most of us don’t look like a Tom Ford model, and so it results in wasted money and a surplus of clothing, which is likewise wasteful in both materials and — way more importantly — closet space. This closet space issue leads to “Spoiled for Choice” Syndrome, wherein, because there are so many options, you stand there paralyzed while woefully lamenting that you have nothing to wear and you positively loathe absolutely everything you own.
You’re never going to get ahead that way!
SHOP WITH PURPOSE.
The Kibbe System breaks down your body type and personal taste to find the cuts and styles best suited to you — read, MOST FLATTERING. What is not flattering, you will not wear, and if you will not wear it, it is a waste of money and space. For instance, I never really wore that Tory Burch dress I had, despite the fact that it was fashionable and I wanted to like it. But even though I didn’t understand at the time why I didn’t love the way it looked on me, I know now that everything was wrong about it: the cut, the color, the length. It didn’t present the best me that I could be, and so I left it alone, regardless of my ignorance about why. Which leads me to my next point.
YOUR INSTINCTS ARE DEAD ON.
This really can’t be stressed enough. Repeat after me: Your natural instincts are right on the money. You already know what looks good on you. Everything else is smoke and mirror bullshit specifially designed for other people who are not you. Those people deserve to have clothes, too. Do NOT be distracted by their spectacle. Zero in on what’s going to actually work for you by playing to your strengths and minimizing your weaknesses. Don’t be the loser in “Who Wore It Better?” contest. Create the illusion you want to present, even if it’s an ear of corn or a nasty strawberry candy.
“I'd see that it had a certain panache. That's what I'm good at. Not the work, not the work . . . the presentation.”
Now, I could give you a tedious, boring education . . . but I won’t, because you have the advantage of spectacular me to help caddy all your clothing purchases! Let’s get started on the super basics of the theory, though, so you can start browsing thoughtfully.
Like everything else in life, there are Rules to Dressing, and the First Rule of Clothes Club is that you must approach it as you would dating. It’s a discriminating game, and it’s 98% REJECTION. So ask yourself: Is it jewel colored? Reject it. Is it oversized? Reject it. Is it monochromatic head to toe? Reject it. Jewel tones looked awesome on Prince; John Larroquette can get away with an oversized jacket; and no one does a black turtleneck and black jeans like Benedict Cumberbatch. Now ask yourself: Do you really look like any of these men? Do you have the same frames, the same bone structures? Is your style anything like theirs?
No.
WHO ARE YOU?
The Kibbe System & You
“The Kibbe System divides “Fashion” into two categories — Yin & Yang, a concept with which I’m sure you’re well familiar. In the Kibbe sense, Yin means “Angular” or “Dramatic”, and Yang means “Less Angular” or “Softer”. Because this description encompasses huge spectrums on either side, the system is further divided into major subcategories, and then again into sub-subcategories (that we mostly are not going to discuss, because they don’t apply to you. Fashion that is good for other categories are generally rejects in your clothing dating pool.)
IMPORTANT NOTE: You know who so doesn’t care about this? Who seriously doesn’t give a damn? FASHION DESIGNERS. They are trying to sell clothes. They are capitalists, and we applaud them for that! But it’s important to stop buying the brand. Montclair, or Tom Ford, or Brunello Cucinelli, are trying to appeal to an audience beyond your personal taste and body shape. A couture label will assure quality and style, but it won’t assure a complement to your Kibbe subcategory.
The Kibbe System is a tool to understand how to dress optimally, with regards to aspects like the fit of a specific garment, whether it is structured or fluid-cut, wide or narrow, what materials are best, and other details. This concert of elements contributes to achieving visual harmony in the way our clothes fit our figure — and consequently, the way we feel. As for color, although Kibbe establishes certain chromatic recommendations, he personally leans towards the seasonal theory of color. We’ll get into your colors later.
Kibbe Subcategories
Gamin/e
You are not Gamin, but this is the best first example to illustrate the Kibbe System, because it easy to see and understand and blends both elements of Yin/Yang. (FYI, I will also be using many female examples throughout, because the Yin/Yang is more radical and therefore visible for women.) Gamins are not the super sexy studs of the masculine world — which is probably why they make up 1/4 of the Kibbe System for Men.
Matt Paroulek is a Classic example of a Gamin, but I couldn’t get the picture to load. Gamins are generally on the shorter side, and they have an eternal air of impish youth about them, even when they are old. (See pictures of Red Buttons as a young and old man; amazing Albert Finney, below, is another shining example of a Gamin.)
Check Alfie out. Even as an old guy, he clearly has his mind on his mischief and his mischief on his mind.
Red Mischief
Gamines are tomboyish; Audrey Hepburn is the iconic gamine. Jackie O was gamine, as was Princess Diana. Gamin/es are a blend of Yin/Yang. (Note Red’s and Albert’s rounder features, creating the yin balance to the yang of their masculinity. Alternately, Diana and Jackie paired boyish haircuts (yang) with their feminine clothing choices (yin, as exemplified in the dumb twin sets that Jackie O wore like a uniform, complete with the pillbox hat and a purse so small it couldn’t hold a lipstick.)
It’s quite easy to look like a child when you are a child. Charles proposed to Diana when she was only 19 years old.
Audrey Hepburn: It is Universally Agreed That She is Perfect in Every Single Way as an Absolute Paragon of Style, Class, and Beauty.
She is the LAST WORD.
Aww. Poor Jackie. Her teeth are covered in lipstick! Give her a hand anyway . . . she tried so hard, but Dr. Feelgood had been to the house earlier in the day.
Dramatic
A lot of people spend their days wondering what Benedict Cumberbatch, Daniel Craig, and your dad all have in common. Are you sick of folks asking you? The answer is: They’re all Dramatics.
You are not a dramatic, so who cares about what they’re meant to wear. Just know they are all in on the Yang, West Side Story style — when you are a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette till your last dying day.
Classic
You are not Classic, because Classics are the plain Janes of the Kibbe System. I don’t mean that they can’t be good looking — Anthony Perkins epitomized a Classic, and Anthony Perkins was pretty easy on the eyes. But let’s take a closer look at him and you’ll see what I mean.
Ok. Here’s the situation. Psycho was never made, you have never seen or heard of Anthony Perkins before, and he has just robbed you at gunpoint. How would you describe him to the police? “A man with dark hair and perfect symmetry who looked just like anybody else and had no distinguishing features whatsoever?” How would you caricature this man?
Right. And that’s a Classic. There are no extremes anywhere on their bodies, they don’t appear tall or short, lean or wide, their bones are not heavy or birdlike. They have achieved a natural balance with their features.
Do you remember the movie “Judgment at Nuremburg”? Remember the fire-eating defense attorney, Hans Rolfe, and the gorgeous actor that played that Oscar-winning role? That man is Maximilian Schell, and he is also a Classic (he and Perkins could be related), but because of his height and the sharpness of his features and largeness of his hands, he is a “Dramatic Classic”. A “Dramatic Classic” is just a bigger, meaner version of the regular “Classic” (ie, consider Anthony Perkins to be Malcolm’s buddy Eraserhead, and Maximilian Schell as the older brother: “Get him, Alphonse.”)
Adam Scott, John Slattery, and Tim Daly are obviously all classically handsome men — that’s why they are Classics. But they are Yin Classics, because their bone structure lacks the roundness found in a Natural. They can be shorter than pure Classics or Dramatic Classics and require softer fabrics, hairstyles, and body silhouettes to enhance their softness. They have more yin in their features – bigger eyes (that’s you), softer noses (also you), fuller lips (not you), gentle brows (yes, you again.). Classic hairstyles with a slight wave suits them. I’d say you’re 15% - 20% Yin Classic, so the advice for this Kibbe subcategory is worth paying attention to.
Romantic
You are not Romantic, and I’m going to discuss them least because it’s just not worth delving into. Romantics are: Elvis, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Colin Firth. They’re lush men with gentle angles, softness to their facial features, small hands and feet, and short legs and arms. Remember how Dramatics were all yang, all the time? Romantics are all yin, all the time. There is only one subgroup for Romantics (as opposed to the other subcategories which have at least two) — Yang Romantic. They are worth even less of our time than the Romantics, because Yang Romantic describes beautiful, dramatic men that rarely exist in nature, such as James Dean, Orlando Bloom, or Johnny Depp. The only thing worth noting here is that, unlike the Yin Natural, you would never describe any of these men as “cute”, whereas that adjective is well suited to a Yin Natural.
Yin Natural
Is literally anyone surprised that Josh wins again?!
You are 85% a Yin Natural, and oh, barf. Would you just take a look at these genetic catastrophes? What terrible company you keep — Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Ed Norton. These guys aren’t celebrated for their good looks ever, at all.
Ugh. You’re a stone cold fox. Full stop, end of story.
I know you might be thinking I don’t look like Brad Pitt. This is true. You don’t. But here are the qualities you do share with these handsome men that have led me to this classification.
Broad shoulders
Upper Body Wideness
Thick chest
Small hips
Small backside
Frame tends towards ‘athletic’
Appears muscular/toned/lean even when trending towards overweight
Men that are masculine but also ‘cute’ are generally Yin Naturals.
Why Aren’t You a Yang Natural?
Yang Naturals must be tall with wider bones. Dick Van Dyke and Hugh Jackman are both good examples of Yang Naturals — not you!
